i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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