weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
