You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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