allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
