I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
