He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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