I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
