That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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