dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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