So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
