There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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