I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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