I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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