she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
