So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
