for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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