"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we made out on top of his cat.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
