you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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