Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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