hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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