yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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