I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
