How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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