Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
