I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
