My room smells like vodka and shame
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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