I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
People in love make me want to vomit
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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