the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
