it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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