I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
