I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
