then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
