well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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