Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
