I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
