it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
