Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
