i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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