I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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