i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
