I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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