I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
