Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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