I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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