You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
