do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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