just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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