Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
