Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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