i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
