And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
