so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
