dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
