I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
