is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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