i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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