Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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