it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
