woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am available for nakedness
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
