I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
