Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
