i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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