hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
...so i touched it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
