I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
