Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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