he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
