I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
