The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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