Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
