"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
