the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
