I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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