Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
