Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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