By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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