She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
