he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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