is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Naked Twister starts at high noon
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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