You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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